How to dress to prevent rape? The things you weren’t told

Ok, chastity belt jokes aside, does dressing differently affect the chances of being raped? While some people want me to answer an unequivocal “Yes.”, other people will want me to answer a resounding “No.”. Other people don’t care what I say, they really just want it to be a “No.” so they can stick their heads back in the sand.

Have you noticed the problem with questions like this? The simpler the question the more complicated the answer tends to get. So my answer is “It’s complicated” Don’t believe me? Read on to find out the things you haven’t thought of yet.

Quick caveat: The way this is written makes it seem like you are in mortal danger every second of the day. I apologise for this, because it simply isn’t true. Out your however many thousands of days on this planet, on how many of those were you attacked? Probably few to none. If your answer is more than 5 or 10, you really need to try a lifestyle, location, or some kind of change.

The “It depends” cop-out

I know everyone wants the one word answer of their choosing, but that’s like asking which road will get you to the airport fastest. Well, what time of day is it? Rush hour, lunch hour, or an obscure 09:47 am? Where are you at the moment? In the middle of the Sahara desert will have a different answer to if you’re 5 walking minutes away.

(Criminal) variations on a theme

Let’s state one of those so completely obvious that nobody thinks about it things. Not all rapes are the same. Time, location, victim, rapist, mental state of rapist, Interview, Positioning. Every time any of these things change, it changes the whole equation and the answer to any “What’s the best way to …” question you might have. Is the BG pissed off or calm? Excited or lethargic? If he’s pissed off, what caused the anger? These things have an effect on how things play out.

Different types of rapist

Let’s revisit an age old theme. THERE ARE DIFFERENT TYPES OF RAPIST. The stranger rapist. The acquaintance rapist. The patiently plotting serial stranger rapist. The crime of opportunity stranger rapist. The hateful acquaintance rapist. The predatory acquaintance serial rapist.

Each type can have a different answer to the question “Will the way I dress get me raped?” Let’s start with the ways we answer “Yes.” to this question.

Dress conservatively and you get raped

Let’s take a youngish girl who dresses conservatively. She doesn’t quite wear a burka to the few parties she actually goes to, but any skin flashing is probably accidental. You know the type: Introverted, self-conscious, low self-worth. Doesn’t get much attention from anybody. How can this style of dressing possibly get her raped? You can’t see ANY cleavage. Well, who cares? Don’t look at her style of dressing as the reason for a rapist to pick her, think of the way she dresses as an indicator that she’s safe to attack. Think of assessing her clothes as part of the criminal Interview process.

girl conservative 3

No skin showing, head down, slouched over, very quiet, dressed a bit frumpy – this screams (to a criminal) I DO NOT VALUE MYSELF ENOUGH TO FIGHT BACK. Probably I don’t value myself enough to even report it. Dressing like she doesn’t love herself is a useful indicator of low self-worth. And people who do not value themselves tend to not consider themselves worth protecting. They also tend to feel beaten down and hard done by. They might be in the habit of accepting bullshit and crap from life (and possibly even martyring themselves in their own heads – to gain a semblance of an identity). This person is a delight to attack (and rape) because she won’t fight back. She’s too used to being pushed around and abused. She might even whimper and plead nicely for her rapist.

So a (physically) weak rapist, one who wants a quick and easy sure-thing, dressing conservatively will attract this type of rapist.

Dress like a slut and don’t get raped

Girls who dress for show, for attention, they tend not to attract this type of rapist. You’ve put effort and thought into your clothing. Being in the habit of putting in effort in your life (e.g. clothing) tends to transfer to other areas of your life (going to the gym to fit those clothes for example). This might even transfer over to you being willing and able (if you dress like this you probably go to the gym after all) to defend yourself and fight someone off. So will Mr. physically weaker, wants an easy, frightened, pleading victim choose you? Less likely.

Dress like a slut and get raped

Girls who dress like this obviously dress like this because they absolutely want ZERO attention from guys, right? Probably not. These girls are looking for attention for any number of reasons (or most likely, a combination). Didn’t get enough positive attention from daddy, so they’ll take any attention from a dominant guy they can get. Just plain horny and are fishing for a safe (he won’t kill me) and worthwhile (he’ll be good in bed) guy for a one-night stand. Looking for self-validation or to pump up the old ego. What’s the exact particular reason a girl might dress like this? I don’t care. It all boils down to wanting attention. Which means that you will be open to being chatted up by a charming guy. And the charm rapist knows this. Don’t think of her clothing as enticing barely restrained men into their base nature (it’s a kinda shitty way to view half the population of the world). Rather, think of her clothing as telling a rapist the best way to approach her. The clothing doesn’t cause shit-all, the clothing merely gives away personality traits which a rapist can use against you (no matter what you wear).

girl skimpy

Remember, when you go fishing, you can’t control which fish will bite.

The Charm Predator

The Charm predator knows that the frumpy girl (somewhere) really wants to be charmed by prince charming. But a part of her is likely to be sceptical about any charming guy charming her and not the scantily clad girls also in the room. So she’ll either be unbelieving of his best moves, or she’ll (ironically and self-defeatingly enough) throw up road blocks and impede his progress in chatting her up (because if he’s serious he’ll valiantly break through these barriers and keep trying with her – until he gets the feeling it isn’t working and moves on, reinforcing her preconceptions further). Whatever the reason, when you can only tell it’s a girl you’re talking to because it says that on her Facebook profile, odds are good it’ll be harder to get her to engage and to charm her into isolation.

skimpy girl 4

Yup, she doesn’t want attention.

Knowing this, and knowing that he’s charming (or else we would call him a Charm predator), who do think he’ll go for? Probably the women dressed for an MTV music video. They are dressed like that because they want guys to approach them and chat them up. Even if they know they aren’t going home with them, they still want to be flirted with. So a charm rapist knows that he can get an easy foot in the door with you when you dress like this. And like Hitch said, “No woman ever thought ‘I hope I don’t get swept off my feet today’.”

Don’t forget, this guy is as charming as charming can be. You might not be ready to sleep with him, but odds are good you’d be willing to go for a walk with him outside the party. Or go talk somewhere quiet (like an isolated room at a party). And that’s all he needs. As charming and interesting and fun as can seem, he can be equally cruel and vicious and hurt you and intimidate you into fear and terror and silence. So marking yourself as “available to be approached” I marking yourself as easy prey for the charm rapist.

You’re his type

All bets are off. If he’s a psychopath/sociopath/whichever one is correct for this description, he has a particular type, and he’s patient, and he’s particular. If doesn’t matter if you’re dressed like (and look like) Jabba the Hutt – if he has a Star Wars fetish, then he will put in the effort to charm an unreceptive women, to flirt with an extrovert. Whatever it takes. If he can’t get you alone one way (e.g. with charm) he’ll do the hide-in-the-bushes-that-are-far-too-close-to-your-front-door thing. (You really should get those bushes taken out). Basically you’re in deep shit and it has nothing to do with how you dress. In fact no matter what, this type of rapist will choose you – deterrence is your only hope. Fortunately these guys are pretty rare.

Rapist repellent

So, does the way you dress attract rapists? Well, yes. The thing is, no matter how you dress you’re a prime target for someone. So basically don’t sweat it, dress how you want to. It’s confidence that repels rapists. It’s confidence that tells a BG that you love yourself enough to fight back, to make him pay dearly for everything he tries to take from you. It’s confidence that tells a BG that, if he messes with you, you will fight tooth and nail to rip his eye ball out and eat it while laughing at him. Confidence is what allows you to comfortably know your limitations. Confidence if what allows you to carry (and train with) weapons.

The clothing combination that prevents rape

I want you to look at the fashion choices the following women have made. Can you see the common thread (pardon the pun) between their fashion choices?

While I might be (semi) joking about fashion choices preventing rape, when it comes to escaping rape there’s very little room for debate – overwhelming physical violence is what stops rapes. Once you’re in the situation, running away while screaming for help can lower you chance of being raped, but it turns out that violence really does solve problems. This study (register for free to login and read) found (in the sample population and within its design limitations) that not resisting a rapist led to 48,9% of rape s being completed. Using physical resistance without a weapon dropped this to 29,3%. Using a gun to defend yourself (note that no distinction was drawn between actually shooting or not) dropped this to 0,09%. While using a knife to defend against a rapist dropped the percentage of rapes completed to 0,0 %. Zero.

What bother me about this study and the summary table is the column of Percent Injured. Because for 48,9 % of rapes being completed, they have a 31,0% injury rate. How the fuck the authors don’t count getting raped as an injury is beyond me. That whole middle column is misleading, it makes you think you have a better chance of being injured when you use a knife in defense than you have of being raped. Their “Percent Injured” obviously doesn’t count the whole being raped thing. Yes, in the confusion of flurried limbs that potentially happens if you choose to defend yourself, yes you might get cut a bit. But you don’t get raped. A cut on the arm, even if it’s worse, to avoid getting raped – everyone decides or themselves on that choice. Please also note that the injury rate for women who used a gun to defend against a rape was 0,0%. Again, that assumes that the 0,09% of women who tried to defend themselves with a gun but ended up getting raped anyway don’t count as being injured (despite being raped).

So look again at the pictures above and tell me how you should dress to avoid getting raped?

woman ccw appendixwoman ccw 4woman appendix ccw 2

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